My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
