well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
