I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
