I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
