halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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