you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
