Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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