Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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