I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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