I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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