so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
