I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
