Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
