is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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