It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
