Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
