Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
