I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
