I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
