Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
