I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
