Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
