Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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