my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
