she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
