Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
