i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
