I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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