i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
