I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
