i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
