I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
