Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
