I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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