i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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