So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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