Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
BRING THE BAGELS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
