so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
