Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
