i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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