I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
