I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
