im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
