well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
