He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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