Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
