Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
