Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
