She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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