I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize