Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I see more hoeing in ur future
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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