I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
