No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
