I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
