his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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