if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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