I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
