I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
