look no pants
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
