She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
