Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
