He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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