I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
