I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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