I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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