She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
