yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
