i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
