I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
