drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
