totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
